I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
