whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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