Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
