i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
