I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
