i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
