you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
