So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
