i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
