Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
