i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
