I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
