I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
