fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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