Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
