My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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