gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
