im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
