I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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