I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
