you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
