I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
