my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
