I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
