Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
