She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
