Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My cat gives me a boner
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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