you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
