I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
