seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
