Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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