The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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