Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
