That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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