I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
