i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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