Do you still have your period?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
