just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
