He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
