I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
