if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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