Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
soo... how was my night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
