I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
