what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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