Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
