let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Send help, water and tortillas.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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