Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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