It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There are leaves in my underwear?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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