she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
