i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
