The police scanner is talking about you again....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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