I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
