remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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